Every once in a while I surprise myself, unintended, is the ‘surprise’ effect, but none the less impactful in its totality.

Reading writings or comments in journals often have this effect on me. Wow, did I write that? Is basically the S-factor standard response. Why do I find it difficult to believe that a few words strung together in usual and unusual patterns create such beauty of thought.

Then I realize it’s not the words.

It’s that I find it difficult that i could write the words. Untrained, unconventional yet beautiful on their own way.

They are beautiful.

I am beautiful.

That is the point. Tears are no very far away.

JE Sept. 13, 3017

Live life, then You can Write

Live life, then you can write.


Writing helps me to live.

I’m not sure about experiencing life so you can write about life. What’s LIFE?

IT for me is the totality of each day. The spilled milk that no one noticed so I

s l i d e

to the frig in a new form of creative dance, when all along my simple goal was safely transversing the kitchen for my coffee creamer?

Go figure!?


The gross coughed up knee high hose my dog, stole, swallowed, tried to digest but puked out as an offering for the same morning stroll to the kitchen!

Seriously! ALL I needed was my coffee PLEASE!

The Same day (I kid you not) I have ALREADY fought a battle with a toilet that was insisting it wanted to overflow (I won!) AND after I had already slept through my alarm.

ALL I WANTED WAS A CUP (LARGE MUG) of coffee ? Please ?

Is this the ‘writing about life’ that people can relate to writing?!



JEAugust 26,2017

Wet Blanket

I thought I was ok, then I hit the WALL

I couldn’t seem to go over it, under or around it – this WALL was of my own making.

Insecurities that were so carefully camouflaged, I thought.

Fears that stole my joy and strength. I had carefully packaged in boxes called ‘high performance’ and ‘multitasking’, I was certain!


Habits die hard.

When I’ve been totally surprised accompanied with pain it is

Kind of like being hit on the head with a hammer


Well, maybe not quite true self, maybe my ‘ugly cry self’ immerges –

it ain’t pretty honey!

I cringe inside, and this begins the self accusation and downward spiral that brings me back to center – eventually. All those packages I’ve carefully wrapped get torn to shreds. The camouflage begins to smear and run together until the stress flips me back to the last ‘default’ setting.

Shame becomes the mountain I face, and sometimes I am so weary of the fight I just sit down and have a good cry.

I might be mad, but if I trust you and know you love me, you will see the hurt that is the core of my response. The joy that I could have experienced is stolen because i

Something broke in me this past week and i reached that place where i hurt so bad it just really didn’t stop me. A job needed to be completed, I cried and prayed through the misunderstanding. I longed for joy to return

I can only hope I won’t let the spur of the second cause another wild horse ride!

Weeping may last for the night but JOY comes in the morning!

That is a promise!!

The Table Within Series
JEAugust 24, 2017

The Path

The Path

The stone walkway was uneven and the sharp edges of the uncut rocks scraped the bottom of her naked feet.

This was the path?

This was the direction?

As she continued the way of obedience she pondered why she was led down a path of suffering before a new assignment?

Just give up and give in…

Learn to give in to joy! Stop analyzing every step, trust the Shepherd and follow his lead.


She stumbled at these words, they cut her heart, just as the rough rock sliced her feet.

Tiny drops of blood marked her path. Anyone could clearly follow, her path of surrender.

As darkness gave way to the light of day she remembered the age old sacred words of comfort.

Weeping may last for the night,
But joy comes in the morning! (Psalm)

She smiled.

Table Within Series
The Adventure Outward
The Path
August 17, 2017

Ode to 54

Ode to 54

Three hours and five minutes to go
Now One hundred eighty four minutes
Now three…
The minutes relentlessly pass me by?

Quickly time passes
I remember the moments
And try to forget the years?

Joy, great joy found in memories past
Laughter fills my heart

A year passes in the space of a second

Ode to 54


Read Aloud Books ?

Read Aloud Books ?

Each book held a memory
Laughter, a child’s comment
Likes or dislikes
But each book was left at
The bookstore anyway for someone else
To purchase and cherish them …

I cried. ?

I didn’t cry for the books ?
Only for who I wanted to become
And who I did become
While using these books ?

Happy laughs ?
Children’s Ah hah’s
My own connections with my

Read Aloud Books ?


PS Don’t worry, I have reserved a ‘my favorites’ box AND there still remains 30 or so boxes to go through before also passing them on to others.?


Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I shout to you
When I can no longer sing.

I sing to you
When I can no longer speak.

I sit in silence
When I finally have nothing to say.

I listen
When my soul is quiet within me.

Speak Lord
Into the silence of my soul.

Finally Lord
I’m sitting here with You.



A Sanctuary

A place of refuge is my Lord.
In silence I go out to greet Him.
I long to be known and to be fully known.
My inner desire is for Jesus.

Jesus the Master of my soul,
Each day is new before Him.
Oh how sweet is His presence and
His daily LOVE,
Moment by moment with Him.


Beside Myself!

Awful moments
Ugly crying INSIDE
Gut wrenching
YUCKY moments


in moments when I CAN NOT show my feelings ?

in moments when I need to wade through the visceral response tangled up in a trigger I did not know I possessed

in moments when I am deeply


in myself or others…based in judgement and expectations instead of based in


You know, you can deeply love someone and be deeply hurt and


However it is the level of TRUST that needs the


and it is work full of choice after choice… in the same direction!


I forget to be the
vessel that the love pours


like an oil pipeline – you know?

The oil pipeline doesn’t drill the well of resources,

The oil pipeline doesn’t even heat itself up when it’s ‘cold’ (rejection or rebuff…)

The oil pipeline doesn’t even create itself!


The oil pipeline…
remains steadfast,
remains true to itself,
and allows the oil to run freely through the core of its purpose?

God IS love
I am a vessel, not unlike the pipeline, that submits, allows this Love to flow through

That’s ‘being’ and ‘doing’ ?

Even though I know all this I STILL



and end up feeling BESIDE MYSELF ??