January 1, 2016 Perspective
Christmas Eve was rather unusual in our home this year. It was rather uncomfortable for me, but necessary conversations and needed words were exchanged in emotionally packed ways. As I said – necessary and healing.
I like ritual, mine of course, and ritual went out the window that evening, so as I said it was rather uncomfortable for me – I wasn’t in charge I’ll admit it, I’m a little bit of a control freak.
I saw them parade across my screen, the beautiful happy faces, perfect trees and lovely set tables. My holiday expectations. Perspective and expectations tend to go hand in hand. Therefore I was discouraged, I was focusing on the wrong things. I didn’t focus on the strength of character it took to confront and bring front and center those things that everyone knew about.
The elephant in the room was exposed, it only took about 15 minutes but it rattled me, we didn’t do my precious rituals, in exchange we showed our love towards each other through honesty – male version (I’m the only female besides the dog and she wasn’t saying much) I’ve lived around guys most of my life, brutal honesty, yup that is what it was. They ended the conversation, cool with it all, we passed around the packages and not much more was said because of my husbands expert handling a mess turned into a blessed lesson. Peace reigned victorious.
BUT…
IN MY HEAD I was freaking out, “We didn’t do, We didn’t say, we didn’t read, we didn’t do it MY WAY.” I was shocked into silence, except the shouting in my head, “MY Christmas Eve is ruined and my nerves are shot.” I smiled on the outside because I truly knew we needed to have the conversation, it was the timing I didn’t agree with and because of that judgement I have struggled with that ‘reality’ until tonight.
Tonight, when my perspective CHANGED…
As part of my prayer time, oh yes I am SO holy – I need to pray more because I need to change more (smile). Please don’t judge me too harshly, I digress. This thought came to me, Stacey write down ten things that you invested into your children. I began to cry, it was so easy to write ten wonderful qualities that I see in my children, ones they have because of my influence on their life. The influence that was in my life because of what had been given to me. I still cried, tears, snot, blowing my nose – it wasn’t pretty, my judgement wasn’t pretty, my perspective focused on the wrong things.
A gentle, but very persistent impression that my perspective needed to change, that instead of looking at the things that I wanted changed or wished were different, I needed to open my eyes to the very precious gift, the most important gifts: honesty, trust, reconciliation, clarity true love in action – my children and husband knew how to fight, make up and hand out packages all in the space of 30 minutes flat – cool!
I have so much to be thankful for, I am so grateful that my view of a few minutes in time changed forever the perspective I have of who I am as a mother, who my children are and who my family has become as one team.
All the mess and the muck came Christmas Eve and delivered to us Peace on Earth Good Will Towards Men – literally.
(PS I am not suggesting that we should wait until Christmas Eve to ‘get things straight…’ and my husband and I are a team, his input into the boy’s lives has been monumental)
http://bit.ly/1YWevAE elephant pic site