Raw

The Best Thing

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November 3, 2022 – Positive Thots =

I Just Don’t Remember quite right…

This is a good thing and a bad thing.

There are things that happen, or things that are said that it is a wonderful new skill to actually not remember!!!

Not be responsible to be the ‘brain of the household’ knowing where all items are located at all times, for all purposes.

Not the ‘housewife’ just a wife that lives in a house. – there IS a difference folks!

Not to be the encyclopedia of answers or know all the conversations that happen within the space of an evening – IF the TV is running non-stop in the background.

AND

Not being able to cook, carry on two conversations, make sure the cat is fed and has water, while the TV is playing my favorite movie – well folks my brain has a dickens of a time switching from one thing to another quickly, well actually switching at all from one thing to another – no go friend :(. So…no go on doing more than one thing at a time! Multi-tasking? Huh? Nope? Ain’t happening! 🙂

Then… that still, tiny, worry voice crops up from the bottom of my heart and says, “Stacey, will you ever be able to be ‘you’ again?” Answer: NO

TRUTH: No one person is the same from day to day.

I have just gone from my zany self to a very simple, one track minded person, and even then the one track gets easily de-railed. “Choo Choo, I think I can” story = comes to mind and off I go on another train of mind – literally (good grief:).

I smile at myself. And giggle. Then silence, my mind goes blank and nothing brings back what was supposed to come next – even if I rest – it is just gone, lost, and now I think that is probably a good thing?

In all this… I find the grace that is needed, from the source that is perfect and full of everything I need. The source of all things, the creator, the redeemer and my friend = Jesus. (Bible)

It’s a good place to be right now… Healing from a head trauma 🙂
Stacey

Long Journey Home

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Long Journey Home
By Stacey Britton | Blog July 28, 2021 | posted November 21, 2021


Bring to me every concern, every failure, every hope, every dream -everything.
Remember, I am your creator and comfort. I am your’s, child. I am your source, without me you are nothing? Even if you don’t acknowledge me I am your source. -Father

I’ve taken many trips of mental thought about how God works in my life. The foundation has always come back to the fact that I am not God, even though I would really like to control things, my life, suffering and so forth. Then I listen to those thoughts and laugh. “As if” I could run the world, create the Universe and imagine the Tucan bird. My view is so small and God is so big.

Even though my base belief is that God exists, I find myself doubting His existence when pain enters my life. I try to take care of my pain instead of letting it go, trusting God, and believing that I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, totally accepted and absolutely complete in God because of Jesus Christ. (The Search for Significance by Robert S McGee)

I know these things, but when I am hurting I don’t always believe or feel these wonderful truths.

I come to the point where I have to

CHOOSE

to believe what I know to be true – in the midst of the messes of life.

Joy comes eventually, trust is reborn, hope emerges and brings life and direction.

SOMETIMES, I just get STUCK, frozen like a deer in headlights. Other times I walk in fear, stand fast during the storm and learn to trust even though I don’t feel like I can even trust my own thoughts.

MAYBE I am the only one that struggles so, when loss, pain, loneliness, isolation and illness enters my life, but then maybe more that I suppose can relate to this raw telling of an inner walk of faith. Maybe.

One thing I do know. No matter how awful life lessons are and how much I do not understand or handle them in the moment…

God loves me, this I know and I am HOME.


Come

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By Stacey Britton |April 29, 2020 Journal Entry | Blog Trying not to Hurt
Trying NOT to Hurt

I’m trying not to hurt, but sometimes everything connects in the perfect storm of emotion and I am sapped of life. Usually it does not last long, once I figure out what cut open the formerly healed place in my heart.

This time?

I had several points of dagger entry and I was overwhelmed, I shut down my emotions unless I was alone where I could cry out to God for help, or just to ask Him to help me walk through whatever caused such damage.

Other times, like this time, I’m still angry – because I see the patterns, over and over again AND I am still silent. My voice does not shout out what I see, silence has become a habit.

Recently I did speak up, twice, and because my strong voice is basically never heard, when I finally spoke it sounded like a shout. My trickling waterfall became a raging storm of water, it did not seem to be my voice at all. What they did not know?

The raging storm of water is my inner voice.

I’m still learning how to speak, to keep my own wants and wishes out of the equation and literally lean into Father for the very words I do speak out loud, my very breath and thought, pulling all of those gifts, to speak, to hear, to listen, to be in sync with my Heavenly Father that the double edged sword that He has me speak goes in cleanly and brings healing.

This is not the healing that I thought I was praying for…

To listen deeply to another soul, while you are listening to Abba and asking Abba how to respond – this is a walk of healing, side beside someone. To allow Abba to fill you with a love not your own and obediently give as Abba asks, this too is a healing. Healing the poverty, loving the lowly, caring for those you may never know.

But God Knows.
God Sees.
God Hears.
God Heals.

I am to pray for the give of healing, what I walk I would never have called a healing gift. But it is the deep inner healing of loving another with no expectation of return.

Jesus died on the cross to save our souls, He loves us and gave up everything. He healed us of the broken relationship between us and our creator.

Healing sight, hearing, diseases, this is what I thought Abba meant, that I was to grow strong faith to perform these miracles. But instead He took me on a journey to see what He sees, to acknowledge that relationship with God and others IS the great healing. I am not to judge how He wants me to follow Him,

I am to follow.
Come and Follow Me, He said so long ago – and still today He says Come.

Not Good Enough!

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download (12) depressed manBy Stacey Britton |2012| Blog

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

He stood in the doorway, leaning his elbow against the frame and cradling his head in his hand. It was never going to be enough. He could never spend enough time with his wife, never enough time with the kids as they grew from toddlers to adults. Never was enough, his heart screamed at him, never, never, never ‘good enough.’ There will always be another drain to unclog, a lawn to mow, a bike to ride, a sermon to preach, a prayer to pray, God, my work will never be enough. Oh, God how I need you.

The venom of resentment pooled in his mouth as he swallowed his words and took his anger again to the Lord. The old tapes of self-loathing, the ones he thought were ‘under the blood’ played in the center of his soul. You will never be good enough; you will never get it ‘right’. Unshed tears of frustration and hurt, already cleansed by Christ’s redeeming blood, announced their presence as the scars on his soul. Oh God, please hear me, I know you’ve taken these memories, these experiences, these unholy places of frustration, and yet here I am back at the foot of the cross bringing them before You again. The shadow of a past, the echo of a dream, both cast a separation glass between receiving his rightful birthright as a child of the King and wallowing in the depths with his history.

Claiming victory and walking in victory, two disciplines that were his friends throughout his Christian life. The sweetness of God’s presence walked with him each day, but there were those awful gut wrenching moments when sweat would pour from his face when he was brought to his knees in prayer. He began to realize that in those moments it wasn’t just for himself that he prayed, but his flock also struggled with the pain of the momentary life here on earth and the eternal promise of the reality of being an eternal being, not of this world. He felt the pain of the stark realization that he did not belong here on earth, his home was heaven and the pain in his soul caused him to pause his breathing as he prayed through.

All these thoughts and feelings flitted through his tired mind in an instant as he stood in the doorway, confronted with the mundane clogged sink in his new home. This was just a temporary dwelling, his home was with God, his true home was in the eternal and it was good enough. way more than just good enough, it was unimaginably good!