Reflective Space

Reflections on a Walk

One moment kept repeating in her mind. A quick picture, then a short movie clip. One moment in time, she didn’t know which moment, where or when just that at some point this moment, this one moment most definitely would occur. Her mind wandered to the details in each step, how the main character walked, the audience, who the character spoke to and the resulting tidal wave of emotion that occurred as a result of the beginning step. One step, one moment. What did it all mean?
She kept seeing a tree, very old, with one exposed large white root growing outward away from the other roots. This root was large, was vibrating with life, pulsing and almost moving. One moment in time, a flash, what did it mean? She knew who is was for, who the tree represented, the timing, but the meaning of the root escaped her. She pondered the step, she pondered the tree, were they connected somehow?
She felt the burning of her skin, the ache in her muscles and bones, she felt the pain of dehydration and cracked, swollen lips, she knew where she was, knew what she was suffering. Yet, in her home, her skin was fine, she was fully hydrated and experienced no pain of her own. Her suffering was of sorrow and mourning for those who were suffering. Again she asked the question, are these pictures and experiences connected?
Miraculous? A gifting and calling? OR just the day to day relationship between God her Father and his dearly beloved daughter? Trusting her with things He was concerned about and wanting to bring about for His Kingdom work. Why me? She often asked, the still small voice would once again resound in her heart and mind: I chose you because you listen. It is not because of who you are but because of who I am in you. You are mine. I love you.

May 27, 2016 Reflections on a Walk

What Do You Hold in Your Hand?

Prayer: Lord, keep me ever mindful that You have given us all gifts. Gifts and strengths that we can share with others. Please help me to remember that my weaknesses and places of need are also a gift, that when I reach out to others for help they are then able to give as I receive. In this way may we become ambassadors of Your Love. ~Stacey

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What do you hold in your hand?

Ken Medema has graced the Christian music arena for over forty years. I first heard his music the summer of 1979 as I attended a concert by Living Faith, a music travelling group from Central Christian College, McPherson, KS. The song was titled: Moses.

Simple, but in the hands of a master musician, impacting, so much so that at pivotal times in my life, times when inner discontent or a strong yearning to readjust is needed I am reminded of the ending lines of this powerful song.

As a masterful story teller Ken retells the story of the leader with a huge failure in his past falling from being a leader in the land of Egpyt, a son of Egpyt to tending sheep in the desert for forty years. One day he finds a bush that is burning and when he comes close to the bush it speaks to him, the Lord, His God Jehovah speaks and he is told to take off his sandals he’s on holy ground. At this point the song picks up the Biblical narrative and focuses on the only tool that Moses has in his hands: a staff, a shepherd’s staff. God asks Moses to throw it down.

Then a conversation begins as Moses explains why he can’t throw down the staff, in the end Moses throws down the staff and it becomes a snake and as Moses picks it up again the staff returns to its former state. It is at this point that God let’s Moses in on the ‘call’ on his life: set my people free… Moses fights him, argues how he cannot possibly do what God is asking. In the end we know the story, how Moses becomes the great leader as played by Charlton Heston on the big screen – a classic. (smile)

It is at the point where Moses ends the conversation with God that the master musician turns the same question towards the listeners. In the final stanzas of music he asks us to apply the lesson of Moses into our lives:

“What do you hold in your hand today? To what or to whom are you bound? Are you willing to give it to God right now? Give it up, let it go, throw it down.”

These are the lines I return to time and time again, what am I holding onto that is keeping me from going forward with God’s plan, where is He calling me to step forward in faith and obey? Am I clinging to things in my life that are not good, that get in the way of His voice In my life – whether that is through His word, others’ influence or when I am impressed by His presence in the life happens through the course of time?

What am I holding in my hand? Am I using those things to further the Kingdom, am I walking by faith not by the way the just ‘makes sense to me’ in my head? Am I willing to lay down my own will, my own way, my own comfort zone to embrace the ‘Pharaoh’s’ in the land, to free the oppressed, to lead the leaderless?

What am I holding in my hand?

These questions either bring peace and a ‘continue’ or ‘as you were’ or this still small voice begins to speak into my life re-directions, realignments, but mostly peace fills my heart and I continue on my way refreshed and ready for the next step.

I share this because sometimes this whole process takes weeks and sometimes a few moments. Sometimes I go through seasons of hearing and knowing that change needs to happen but not knowing exactly what to do, or how best to wait. It is a process, it takes time and attention and sometimes using a song helps me center on important questions that bring clarity and cut through the clutter in my mind.

What do you hold in your hand?

The story “Moses” discussed here is from Exodus chapters 2-4 in the Bible.
The song “Moses” by Ken Medema can be found on YouTube

Perspective

January 1, 2016 Perspective


Christmas Eve was rather unusual in our home this year. It was rather uncomfortable for me, but necessary conversations and needed words were exchanged in emotionally packed ways. As I said – necessary and healing.

I like ritual, mine of course, and ritual went out the window that evening, so as I said it was rather uncomfortable for me – I wasn’t in charge I’ll admit it, I’m a little bit of a control freak.

I saw them parade across my screen, the beautiful happy faces, perfect trees and lovely set tables. My holiday expectations. Perspective and expectations tend to go hand in hand. Therefore I was discouraged, I was focusing on the wrong things. I didn’t focus on the strength of character it took to confront and bring front and center those things that everyone knew about.

The elephant in the room was exposed, it only took about 15 minutes but it rattled me, we didn’t do my precious rituals, in exchange we showed our love towards each other through honesty – male version (I’m the only female besides the dog and she wasn’t saying much) I’ve lived around guys most of my life, brutal honesty, yup that is what it was. They ended the conversation, cool with it all, we passed around the packages and not much more was said because of my husbands expert handling a mess turned into a blessed lesson. Peace reigned victorious.

BUT…
IN MY HEAD I was freaking out, “We didn’t do, We didn’t say, we didn’t read, we didn’t do it MY WAY.” I was shocked into silence, except the shouting in my head, “MY Christmas Eve is ruined and my nerves are shot.” I smiled on the outside because I truly knew we needed to have the conversation, it was the timing I didn’t agree with and because of that judgement I have struggled with that ‘reality’ until tonight.

Tonight, when my perspective CHANGED…
As part of my prayer time, oh yes I am SO holy – I need to pray more because I need to change more (smile). Please don’t judge me too harshly, I digress. This thought came to me, Stacey write down ten things that you invested into your children. I began to cry, it was so easy to write ten wonderful qualities that I see in my children, ones they have because of my influence on their life. The influence that was in my life because of what had been given to me. I still cried, tears, snot, blowing my nose – it wasn’t pretty, my judgement wasn’t pretty, my perspective focused on the wrong things.

A gentle, but very persistent impression that my perspective needed to change, that instead of looking at the things that I wanted changed or wished were different, I needed to open my eyes to the very precious gift, the most important gifts: honesty, trust, reconciliation, clarity true love in action – my children and husband knew how to fight, make up and hand out packages all in the space of 30 minutes flat – cool!

I have so much to be thankful for, I am so grateful that my view of a few minutes in time changed forever the perspective I have of who I am as a mother, who my children are and who my family has become as one team.

All the mess and the muck came Christmas Eve and delivered to us Peace on Earth Good Will Towards Men – literally.

(PS I am not suggesting that we should wait until Christmas Eve to ‘get things straight…’ and my husband and I are a team, his input into the boy’s lives has been monumental)

http://bit.ly/1YWevAE elephant pic site

End of Day

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This picture is displayed on my computer screen, each day I look at it but I don’t take time to contemplate why I chose the picture and what it means to me.

Today I stopped, looked at the wooden walkway over the water, the beauty of the sunset and towering mountains in the background and immediately thought, “Don’t walk off the end!” and “No, if I walk off the end Jesus will catch me or I’ll walk on water.”

In this context the picture means ‘trust’ and is a call to trust when logic would tell me I  cannot walk on water, nor will Jesus catch me. (Matt. 14:22-33) Therein lies faith and hope, faith that the Lord is true to His word and hope that what we cannot see is more real than what we perceive with our eyes. These are deep concepts from a simple glance and stare at a picture.

I don’t want to be assumptive of the Lord in the fact that I would walk on water, simply if the Lord asked me to come to him and I needed to walk on water to obey His command – then of course He would provide a way. In this trust, obedience, hope and faith mingle together, along with the relationship build on hearing and recognizing His voice. (John 10:25-30)

The life of faith is not easy, nor is it too difficult, God the master teacher knows exactly what we are able to accomplish with His help and strength. He is our creator, provider and the lifter of our heads. (Genesis 1:1; Psalm 34; Psalm 139) He is God, my lack of faith reveals my lack of trust in a perfect provider God. Even in the position of needing to trust- He meets us to help us when we call out to him (Psalm 18:6)  in humble recognition that we are not sufficient- but in Him we are completely sufficient when we ask and are willing to receive His help. (Romans 16:2)

I gaze into the picture and continue to contemplate: Is it only in the sunset of our days that we realize how intimately caring our God is towards us? How the sacrifice of the birth and the suffering of the cross are both redemptive acts for the hearts and souls of humankind? (John 3:16) That our God, the only God, is very much aware of our desperate need of Him. That it is that deep cries to deep (Psalm 42:7) when our soul is vexed within us and peace is not to be found, only do we locate complete peace when we find our home and being in a supreme God, the maker of the Universe? (Isaiah 26:3)

What do I see in the pictured wooden walkway, wooden end with a lake of water and with an end of day sunset? I see hope and beauty. I see faith, trust, obedience, submission and strength. Most of all I see a place of the redemptive work of God, a place and scene that seems at its finish but truly representing a beginning. A place to sit in peace, rest in His handiwork and know that I am fully loved because I am fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13)

-Stacey Britton
December 28, 2015 Journal Entry

Strengths are Weaknesses?

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Have you ever heard the phrase, “Your strengths are also your weaknesses?” or “When you are given a gift you are responsible to use the gift and not hide it from others?” I have heard those two sayings my entire life.

The first statement encompasses knowing yourself and using balance in your life. The second statement also include self-knowledge but also acknowledges the fact that our creator is a gracious giving God and empowers us with gifts to tend, to grow, to train, to become – a challenge not to just sit by and coast through life but to keep our eyes and ears open for the next thing He wants to teach us.

Have you ever heard the statement that there are “seasons of life” it comes from Ecclesiastes which is a book in the Bible and was written by the wisest man on earth, King Solomon. People came from miles around to ask him for advice, he had it all, wealth, power and the smarts to go along with it. In this book though he came to the conclusion that nothing is new under the sun, that all through his life he had tried this and that and came to the end realizing that it is God that gives and takes away as He sees fit.

Jesus rested, Jesus came away to listen to God the Father and to give His disciples a break from all of the crowds. Then He was rejuvenated and walked on water one time, another time he cast out demons from a man living in a cemetery, another time he calmed a storm on the sea all after his power naps and talk time with his Father. He was and is the perfect shepherd, the perfect model of a balanced, holy life. A human life living ‘full on’ for God in a human body, yet he allowed himself to be brutalized and killed in the most painful way… He is the model for selfless living, for boundaries to those who would try to control him or keep him from accomplishing His mission. He modeled dependence and obedience to God the Father, listening and obeying yet being authentic when things got tough. His mission was accomplished in only three power packed years.

So then I ask myself, how do I live the Christ like life in my longer life span without burning out. Sabbaths day rest. Simple but to the point. Simple but everything in my sphere of influence shouts out my name “come and help me” silencing the tyranny of the urgent to say yes to the BEST choices in my life has been and continues to be my life time place of learning and growing. As each year passes I learn that God is truly my sufficiency and when I remain in Him amazing things happen in my life and in the lives of those that I dearly love.
Journal Entry March 29, 2015

Writing as Prayer and Worship

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Writing is like breathing for me, I must exhale the thoughts that ramble in my head and inhale the ideas, thoughts and vision the Lord sends my way via various sources. I must share what I write, if with no one else or nothing else than the ink and paper or computer doc. that I’m using now. The multitude of feelings, thoughts and expressions of what God is doing in my life must immerge or I would be undone.

I cannot really claim anything that I have done in my own strength has changed myself, crying out night after night, year after year, writing in a journal for decades, reading scripture to survive…all those things were a prelude to developing the listening ear that hears, writes and meets with God face to face. I see his people in my mind’s eye, He shares some of His thoughts with me and I write. Sometimes He says to me, “Stacey, just write,” and I obey. I’ve even gone to using the sticky note application on my SmartPhone when ideas and thoughts or pictures and visions come to my mind throughout the day.

As I’ve said before, writing has become as important to me as breathing; it is prayer, my way to communicate with my Father in Heaven. He speaks to me and I return the favor. It has become the conduit of love from me to God and from God to me. When I write all the things that I have not been able to form into speech, instead form into fluent thoughts that immerge as a shining beacon beckoning me homeward.

I write to talk to God, to expose my heart to Him sharing all my hurts, shame, fears, frustrations, and pain. All that is known or revealed to me is dumped through ink and paper back into His hands. All His love, joy, peace and patience are refilled like an ink pen is filled with ink by being dipped into the ink well. I am the ink the Lord is the pen and the ink well source. He replenishes me each day as I ask Him to cleanse and make me new. I pour out myself onto the pages the ink becoming words, phrases, sentences and paragraphs organizing my life into the patterns of a story with beginning, middle and end. The beginning has been written and the end I know, it is the middle with which I write to become.

Writing is like listening to a beautiful piece of intricately composed music, the melody enters then the harmony followed by the percussion and bass, rich sounds, full sounds, sheer pleasure. Writing has become like music for me, a form of worship for my Lord, the King and the lover of my soul. I write for Him, I write for us, I write to share parts of my being that the words I speak could never utter so eloquently nor so boldly.

In my solitude and separation during the past five months of a debilitation disease in which the only non-pain filled motion was that of typing on my computer, my God orchestrated sabbatical, I found a peace that I had not thought possible. I have found a steadfast love that enfolds and encompasses me as well as brings me face to face with who I am in God. I am His, fully loved, cherished and complete through Christ’s blood shed on the cross. As a child I was told that if I was the only person on the earth, Christ would have come to earth, suffered, died and risen again just for me. In my place of healing, right now, where I am, at this moment, I embrace that love, soak it up and cheer loudly – YEAH GOD!!!

I began writing long ago to record my thoughts about daily life, now I write to record daily life as I think about God and as God thinks about me.
August 28, 2012