blessing to others

Perspective

January 1, 2016 Perspective


Christmas Eve was rather unusual in our home this year. It was rather uncomfortable for me, but necessary conversations and needed words were exchanged in emotionally packed ways. As I said – necessary and healing.

I like ritual, mine of course, and ritual went out the window that evening, so as I said it was rather uncomfortable for me – I wasn’t in charge I’ll admit it, I’m a little bit of a control freak.

I saw them parade across my screen, the beautiful happy faces, perfect trees and lovely set tables. My holiday expectations. Perspective and expectations tend to go hand in hand. Therefore I was discouraged, I was focusing on the wrong things. I didn’t focus on the strength of character it took to confront and bring front and center those things that everyone knew about.

The elephant in the room was exposed, it only took about 15 minutes but it rattled me, we didn’t do my precious rituals, in exchange we showed our love towards each other through honesty – male version (I’m the only female besides the dog and she wasn’t saying much) I’ve lived around guys most of my life, brutal honesty, yup that is what it was. They ended the conversation, cool with it all, we passed around the packages and not much more was said because of my husbands expert handling a mess turned into a blessed lesson. Peace reigned victorious.

BUT…
IN MY HEAD I was freaking out, “We didn’t do, We didn’t say, we didn’t read, we didn’t do it MY WAY.” I was shocked into silence, except the shouting in my head, “MY Christmas Eve is ruined and my nerves are shot.” I smiled on the outside because I truly knew we needed to have the conversation, it was the timing I didn’t agree with and because of that judgement I have struggled with that ‘reality’ until tonight.

Tonight, when my perspective CHANGED…
As part of my prayer time, oh yes I am SO holy – I need to pray more because I need to change more (smile). Please don’t judge me too harshly, I digress. This thought came to me, Stacey write down ten things that you invested into your children. I began to cry, it was so easy to write ten wonderful qualities that I see in my children, ones they have because of my influence on their life. The influence that was in my life because of what had been given to me. I still cried, tears, snot, blowing my nose – it wasn’t pretty, my judgement wasn’t pretty, my perspective focused on the wrong things.

A gentle, but very persistent impression that my perspective needed to change, that instead of looking at the things that I wanted changed or wished were different, I needed to open my eyes to the very precious gift, the most important gifts: honesty, trust, reconciliation, clarity true love in action – my children and husband knew how to fight, make up and hand out packages all in the space of 30 minutes flat – cool!

I have so much to be thankful for, I am so grateful that my view of a few minutes in time changed forever the perspective I have of who I am as a mother, who my children are and who my family has become as one team.

All the mess and the muck came Christmas Eve and delivered to us Peace on Earth Good Will Towards Men – literally.

(PS I am not suggesting that we should wait until Christmas Eve to ‘get things straight…’ and my husband and I are a team, his input into the boy’s lives has been monumental)

http://bit.ly/1YWevAE elephant pic site

A Blessing…

Leave a comment

images (7)He saw the words on the page and wondered if the word ‘blessing’ was an accurate description of him. Others described him as a blessing, a gift, a powerful speaker, a God given leader, but did he, could he, believe it himself? Did he believe it deep down, down where only God could see his heart?

God had given him much, he had given much in return, however, somehow it never seemed to be enough – in reality it never would nor could be enough. It was a gift, freely given; he needed to receive it freely with no additions, no but… Could he allow himself to stand beneath the cool springs of living water, every moment of every day? Could he let himself continually dwell in the mighty power and presence of the almighty God without feeling unworthy? It was true he was unworthy in his own power.

The sufficiency of Christ’s death on the Cross, the end to separation between man and God, could he practice the continual presence of God or more yet, deeply let it seep into every known part of him for continual cleansing? A time paradox, a soul conundrum, but nevertheless truth in its simplest form: receive the gift – continually…

He would never know the many hundreds of lives that God had changed because of his obedience to the call, on this side of heaven. Countless hundreds multiple times had chosen to speak with him after church, “Thank you Pastor…” “That sermon really hit the spot…” “God used you in my life, Pastor…” The shear honesty in the words was sometimes lost by the chatter in his brain, “Oh, but you don’t know how I messed up the third point.” “Oh, but you don’t know what a difficult time I had with the first five minutes of my delivery.” “Oh but, you …” constant chatter, missing the heart felt relationship meaning in the words. Also missing the Father’s “I love you son. I am proud of you son.”

Standing and allowing the blessing to touch his heart was another way to receive the love of his Father. He knew this, and strived for it, but somehow it seemed to elude him, much to his suffering and anguish. His Father would cry when he missed a blessing He sent his way. The Father knew he missed the humility gained by swallowing his expectations and actually hearing and receiving the many gifts offered to him each time he would ‘step into the anointing’ using his spiritual gifts.

Receiving love came in many packages, trust from others, responsibilities, spiritual gift sets, people, and loved ones. Allowing the living words of blessing to touch his heart was the message he kept missing… stumbling over his wall of discernment. Discernment was creating an automatic filter; his loving Father was asking him to lower his sword and shield long enough to fully receive the many blessings He placed in his life. To receive the Father’s love fully in all of its forms is another type of discernment.

A blessing, a message, however painful, the Father was sending to him. He fell to his knees, “OH GOD, he cried, test me and see if there is any wicked way in me, open my ears that I might hear your statements of love for me, open my eyes that I may see the ways that you show your love for me. Test me, oh God, let me rest in your arms as your beloved son, let me see and hear you Lord in new and deeper ways. Oh God, have mercy on me.”

He fell to the ground, his face to the floor and wept…

and God heard his cry.

(created story)