By Stacey Britton |April 29, 2020 Journal Entry | Blog Trying not to Hurt
Trying NOT to Hurt

I’m trying not to hurt, but sometimes everything connects in the perfect storm of emotion and I am sapped of life. Usually it does not last long, once I figure out what cut open the formerly healed place in my heart.

This time?

I had several points of dagger entry and I was overwhelmed, I shut down my emotions unless I was alone where I could cry out to God for help, or just to ask Him to help me walk through whatever caused such damage.

Other times, like this time, I’m still angry – because I see the patterns, over and over again AND I am still silent. My voice does not shout out what I see, silence has become a habit.

Recently I did speak up, twice, and because my strong voice is basically never heard, when I finally spoke it sounded like a shout. My trickling waterfall became a raging storm of water, it did not seem to be my voice at all. What they did not know?

The raging storm of water is my inner voice.

I’m still learning how to speak, to keep my own wants and wishes out of the equation and literally lean into Father for the very words I do speak out loud, my very breath and thought, pulling all of those gifts, to speak, to hear, to listen, to be in sync with my Heavenly Father that the double edged sword that He has me speak goes in cleanly and brings healing.

This is not the healing that I thought I was praying for…

To listen deeply to another soul, while you are listening to Abba and asking Abba how to respond – this is a walk of healing, side beside someone. To allow Abba to fill you with a love not your own and obediently give as Abba asks, this too is a healing. Healing the poverty, loving the lowly, caring for those you may never know.

But God Knows.
God Sees.
God Hears.
God Heals.

I am to pray for the give of healing, what I walk I would never have called a healing gift. But it is the deep inner healing of loving another with no expectation of return.

Jesus died on the cross to save our souls, He loves us and gave up everything. He healed us of the broken relationship between us and our creator.

Healing sight, hearing, diseases, this is what I thought Abba meant, that I was to grow strong faith to perform these miracles. But instead He took me on a journey to see what He sees, to acknowledge that relationship with God and others IS the great healing. I am not to judge how He wants me to follow Him,

I am to follow.
Come and Follow Me, He said so long ago – and still today He says Come.