Pizza, Prayer and Presents

images (36) xmas treeDecember 25, 2013

Nothing says Christmas Eve better than our traditional reading of the story of Christ’s Birth, eating something, praying and then opening the presents. This year our normal clam chowder ended up turning into the round pizza treat everyone loves in our family. All of the five of us were there, Dad, mom (me), the three boys and our dog Ruth.

The pizza was lovingly placed in the oven, beverages of a favorite of sorts were placed in the freezer for a quick cool. Then we all sat down in the living room to reflect. 

Reflect on the reason for the season, the quote that used to be spouted from every retailer in the area… but this was a true time of reflection. Hearing again the story of Mary giving birth to our Savior. Prayer traditionally follows this ritual reading. Dad (my husband) began first: “Lord I thank you for your gift to us this season…” then our first born son, “Lord, I thank you for helping me overcome a huge obstacle in my life this year…” (my throat began to contract as I fought the tears…a life  long struggle, a prayer answered…thank you God) …he continued to praise God for the year and all the many blessings that God had bestowed upon him… he had a grateful heart.

Then son number two began by protesting that he thought prayer was a private thing, a pause ensued, then the most humble prayer I have ever heard came from his mouth and continued as God began to work in his heart. (my throat constricted again and tears freely flowed as this young man’s brokenness touched not only my heart but the very throne room of a Mighty God – my heart was changed as a witness to the work of God during this prayer – God had descended long ago into a cave and was lain in a manger, this year Christ came again in the heart of a wounded warrior, my son)

Silence filled the air except for the heavy presence of a Holy God you would have thought no one was in the room, the dog even sat still and at attention waiting for the next prayer.

Son number three also began with thanks and praise for the year God had taken him through. I rejoiced because it had indeed been a challenging year. A huge life goal had been accomplished for this young man and only his future remained in front of him, full of hope and potential.

When it was my turn to pray… I could not speak, the boys and Eric opened their eyes to check to see if I was going to pray… then they saw the tears and knew the reason for the pause… I  had no more words to speak before my Savior in that moment, my family had said everything and more. So I began with the simple words…

Thank you Lord….

Prayer time took precious moments of the night, but in those moments my heart sang a song that has been long awaited for in my heart. Deep rejoicing, fervent adoration, a broken heart mended, hope reborn…praise the Lord.

Pizza and Presents were next on the agenda, I don’t remember much of that or of the silly game the boys played afterwards. For this mother was pondering in her heart all the things that had happened that evening, much like the mother long ago pondered what the future might hold for the son she held in her arms. 

I am still pondering…

and praising…

My soul, My soul, does Magnify the Lord…

 

A Life of Faith

It has only been in the last few years that I have grown to deeply appreciate the life of faith my mother had. She faced so many physical challenges… major ones like blindness, paralysis, and finally death. I always considered her the rock, the faithful, stable one. She could tell a terrifically funny story and laugh with the best of them. But she could also say just the right word at the right time. She was a Godly woman.

Pain was her frequent companion and it was not uncommon to wake up in the middle of the night to her tears and cries from pain that would not subside and from which there was no remedy. Yet, even in this her faith did not waiver, her prayer life was deepened and I watched her grow in grace as her body slipped away.

Gentleness and graciousness is not talked about much anymore. Be strong, independent and know how to speak your mind is touted as the new norm. But to know the grace of a word spoken in kindness when the speaker is full of raging pain, is to know the fullness of the Savior’s transformational and indwelling power in the life of mortal mankind.

I miss my mom. I miss her quick word  of encouragement when all seemed lost. Her smile and pat on the hand when words just wouldn’t suffice. Her life was marked by suffering and victory, faith and prayer. She and dad loved to cut a rug dancing the night away when they dated, I’m sure the two of them have the twinkle toes award in Heaven… I can imagine both of them dancing before their Lord, free of pain and completely full of the joy of the Lord, no more tears…

Tonight, Christmas Eve Night,  as my family gathers to read the Christmas story once more, talk of how the Lord brought us through another year and pray together I will thank the Lord for loving parents that taught me the real reason for this season.  Jesus, Messiah, come to all for all. My parents worship at His throne every day, fully known and known fully. I can hardly wait…

 

The Raging Torrent and the Tree

Inner Solace and Solitude is really about the inner landscape of the soul – my mother tried to explain this to me when my boys were both under the age of two when all I wanted to do was run away for awhile to get my head on straight.

I sought solace beside a quiet river when my nerves were raw and on edge… but when I arrived that river had become a ragging torrent from the spring thaw and resulting run off. I wondered what it all meant then I saw the tree. The tree on the side of the sheer cliff, wedged deeply into a crevice, roots holding it firmly in place as its growth wandered upwards towards the sun. It stood solitary, silent, strong in the midst of a hard granite wall.

I marveled at the wild waves crashing against those hard granite walls, I experienced the mist gently caressing my face and I pondered the strength of the lone tree on the sheer cliff side. Dwelling safely, securely in an impossibly sheer rock face, secure in the cleft of the rock.

I knew I needed to be like that tree… Looking at the Son, not focused on the chaos below or the overwhelming living conditions, but focused intently on growing deep roots, finding nourishment and water and reaching towards the sun, the Son source of life.

I left home that day seeking a quiet pool to ponder and a place to rest, to get away from everything… instead I found a loud, raging river that seemed to match the inner world I was trying to escape. I wanted an outside source to calm my inner pain instead I found a place to stand and grow roots, a place to experience life in the midst of the rapids and I found a place to look – heavenward.

A quick trip, a powerful lesson, a needed break. In the midst of the loud crashing, thundering water, I found peace…a quiet inner peace which was what I had sought all along. I shared my trip, my need, what I learned and my mother replied: “You could have found that right here in the apartment…” and she was right!

I finally understood what she meant… Peace can happen when you visit a calm river, but peace can happen in the midst of the storm, peace inside, because the Prince of Peace is just waiting to give us Himself the author and perfecter of our Peace…

True peace for the inner landscape of our soul, true solace and solitude in the midst of a busy life…

Peace

I visited that tree some 20 years later, it was still growing in the side of the cliff, four times as big as I remembered it when I saw it first. Slowly and steadily growing but growing none the less.

Now I’m  like that tree, somewhat slow in growing, but growing none the less.