Woman On Fire
August 8, 2024
Journal Entry | Stacey R Britton
The day was dark, wet, like a morning covered by the thick, heavy clouds before a storm. It was electric, almost sensual as the air brushed her skin when she walked in the dark. Then the fire began inside her, spreading to the curling tendrils of her long har, lifting her heavenward, she began to float upward and with a quickness she had never experienced before she was soaring through the think darkness bringing light and warmth with her.
Above the temporal plane, above the mountains, above the darkness she traveled at lightning speed. Flying from the sorrow, flying from the pain, flying from the darkness. Only then the darkness turned and followed her, nipping at her through the sparkling sky, bringing it’s own heaviness. But only for behind her, farther and farther as she soared through the heavens like an angle with wings might move.
But she…
Was not an angel, she was just a woman with a child’s heart looking for comfort only finding the darkness of the morning. Then she paused, she rested and only then – in the darkness and silence, in the pain and the solitude – she was lifted by a
Fire in her soul.
#facinggrief #turningtothefire #courage #strength #truth
The Time In Between
You know it well…
The time in between sleep and wakefulness. When our subconscious has the opportunity to bring the hidden to the forefront of our minds. Whether good or bad, scary or humorous, often we do not have control over the content of our thinking in this twilight or early morning transitional time.
This morning it was fear that I had not planned my music lessons for the day, I felt unprepared. But when fully awake I realized I had planned the entire week the Friday before. Mondays! Yikes!!
This type of mid-dwelling does not often catch me with fear or ‘not good enough’ feelings. Normally there are no thoughts or I am listening to the Bible or Worship songs. I was reminded this morning of WHY I have this practice!! Guiding the mind as I begin the day is a weapon and a protection.
I will not forget again! Ugh what a horrible way to start the day!
By Stacey Britton | March 28, 2022 | The Time In Between
Updated Thoughts…
Now, after suffering a head trauma and going through a long recovery, still recovering time, I find that the fear I rarely experienced is becoming a discipline to manage. My thought life is re-building and fear that I cannot do what needs to be accomplished plagues me, with a realistic ‘lack of confidence’ healing process. I am now learning about grace and mercy. Relying on the scriptures of joy and thankfulness as well as singing songs of worship to the God of the Universe asking Him to direct my path. Taking one step at a time is the new mindset and pattern, before I loved to run and ahead and planning was a joy and creativity was easy. Now, not so much. I need to pace and not overdo, be a methodical and steady joyful for each day, type of person. I am building confidences each day and remapping my brain in new and powerful ways. Ways of peace, balance, hope and joy in my creator who proclaimed at the beginning of time in the story of creation in Genesis, that He looked upon all that He created and it was good. He breathed His spirit into created mankind and said it was very good. Those are good words and truths to remember, especially when I can’t find my phone…again. (Smile)
By Stacey Britton | January 11, 2024 | The Time In Between, Updated thoughts…
Long Journey Home
Long Journey Home
By Stacey Britton | Blog July 28, 2021 | posted November 21, 2021
Bring to me every concern, every failure, every hope, every dream -everything.
Remember, I am your creator and comfort. I am your’s, child. I am your source, without me you are nothing? Even if you don’t acknowledge me I am your source. -Father
I’ve taken many trips of mental thought about how God works in my life. The foundation has always come back to the fact that I am not God, even though I would really like to control things, my life, suffering and so forth. Then I listen to those thoughts and laugh. “As if” I could run the world, create the Universe and imagine the Tucan bird. My view is so small and God is so big.
Even though my base belief is that God exists, I find myself doubting His existence when pain enters my life. I try to take care of my pain instead of letting it go, trusting God, and believing that I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, totally accepted and absolutely complete in God because of Jesus Christ. (The Search for Significance by Robert S McGee)
I know these things, but when I am hurting I don’t always believe or feel these wonderful truths.
I come to the point where I have to
CHOOSE
to believe what I know to be true – in the midst of the messes of life.
Joy comes eventually, trust is reborn, hope emerges and brings life and direction.
SOMETIMES, I just get STUCK, frozen like a deer in headlights. Other times I walk in fear, stand fast during the storm and learn to trust even though I don’t feel like I can even trust my own thoughts.
MAYBE I am the only one that struggles so, when loss, pain, loneliness, isolation and illness enters my life, but then maybe more that I suppose can relate to this raw telling of an inner walk of faith. Maybe.
One thing I do know. No matter how awful life lessons are and how much I do not understand or handle them in the moment…
God loves me, this I know and I am HOME.
The Beauty of Uniqueness: A Personal Reflection
Today I was reminded of a truck ride.
A truck ride in which I was ‘letting go of’ a rooster that I had raised in the garage of our city home. Beyond ALL belief, he actually lived and we happily, and with a bit of sadness, graduated him to an official country farm where he could wake up God and everyone with his early morning crowing! His own calling of which, no one in our city neighborhood thought that ‘being himself’ was that great. In the country though? He was perfectly designed to wake everyone up for the beginning of the day. He fit.
I was able to visit my former city rooster a couple of times before we moved from our Oklahoma town, but I fondly remember the little miracle that was rather ‘a bit unnerving.’ Today, I chose to reflect upon the rooster and realized my life is like that sometimes…a bit unnerving to those around me. I don’t quite ‘fit in’ to the prescribed definition of whatever is ‘acceptable cultural norms’ int he culture I find myself dwelling – sometimes. At other times, I fit from other’s perspectives but that message doesn’t reach my heart. I can be a bit of a loner.
All of us feel this way in different settings, or maybe, possibly feel this way all the time. We might ask ourselves questions like, “Where are ‘’people?” Or “Where is the puzzle of life that I am the missing piece, fitting perfectly into the gap prepared for just me???”
I’m pondering the realization that the truth might surprise us, in other words, we ALL are different, by design. We ALL are ‘one of a precious kind’ the lie is we should all be the same. I don’t need to travel and keep traveling to find a symbolic ‘farm’ on which to dwell or ‘become’ in the next stage of my life or even my current ‘day.’
Life IS process, life IS change and standing out in any crowd. WE ALL have a unique fingerprint, a unique viewpoint that ONLY WE can share. So why be silent?
Reality check? OK
Yes, there are seasons of time. Yes, there is a place and a time for revealing layers of self discovery. Yes, we all live on one planet, live in various places and countries, city or suburb, farm or mountain hide-a-way. There IS a culture of peoples that choose to dwell together – there IS this unspoken need for relationships and meaning – this ONE thing is at the base level of humanity,
ONE thing that Is the same:
We all are unique!
Please consider sharing your uniqueness with the people around you. Those around you area there for a reason. They need you and you need them.
Find the differences, find the similarities, but always remember…
You are one of a kind and very precious.
Maybe today you could pause and ponder the uniqueness of YOU. Maybe just for a few minutes, or even a longer span of time. Discover the unique finger print of who you are and rejoice!
Love you readers…whoever and wherever you are in your own personal journey, thanks for joining mine 😉
~Stacey
’Henry’ the cat pictured above, no picture available of said rooster 😉
Journal Entry | 11December2024 | Stacey Britton | One of a Kind
Just BE
How the Ocean Retreat walk scene usually looked…
How It looked on my last Retreat?
… FOG EVERYWHERE AND UP TO THE WATERLINE!
I go to the Ocean usually every year, but it has been a couple years since the last time,
the time of THE FOG. As I sat in my car, window down, feeling the gentle misty breeze caressing the side of my face, I didn’t need to close my eyes to ‘just listen’ I was truly sightless. I knew the ocean was there, I could hear it, I could feel it – I just could not SEE it. So I sat and truly rested, walked on the damp beach with the water shrouded in fog, a white type of darkness or separation from what I KNEW was there. I decided to step into the moment and listen.
Listen to the waves, hear the ocean,, feel the breeze on my face. Just BE. I can’t see the sky, I can’t see the ocean waves, but I know they are there. Just BE. I didn’t ask myself where to go or what to do. I just took the moment to BE. Be silent, listen and BE.
I was reminded of this scripture written by a wise man of God.
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shalll walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
(Bible Old Testament – English Standard Version)
Stacey Britton | Journal Entry | July 26, 2021 | Just BE
Unplug the OLD, Plug in the NEW
I have an ancient Mac laptop, tastefully protected by a light pink protector which matches my light pink desk cover which matches my pink computer mouse AND rose colored metal pencil holders and organizers as well. I was in a ‘pink/rose’ phase. Good grief!
My ancient laptop no longer has the memory or capability to update to the latest Chrome, Google won’t accept her as she is and along with the really cool PINK touchpad fingering cover I indeed need to unplug the ol’ gal and start using what I already have that is a bazillion times ‘way cooler’ than the old lady, my ancient writing friend.
This morning I unplugged the power block, rolled up the cord, placed the pink covered Mac back inside the pink fabric carry case – but I haven’t zipped it shut – yet. You see, there are many files on that computer and even though I can’t really access the document forms I need, nor the quick access guides for help, part of me is still in my computer partner.
I unplugged her and I plugged in my new writing partner, it’s not the same, it’s different, upgraded, faster, ‘way more’ memory, the touch of the keypads are even amazingly a perfect fit for my hands. In so many ways the upgrade is better. I’m the one that needs to plug into the new and just stay there-in the here ad now! To begin to dwell in the new and llet the old keep it’s perfect place in the past and move on not held back by the past. Unplug.
Unplugging for me means learning new ways to accomplish new tasks with the foundation of the old being informed by the new formats and styles. Building upon a firm foundation and embracing the new, fast growing creativity found in the virtual world. Unplugging doesn’t mean I throw away was has gone before it means I embrace it’s wisdom and literally plug in the new computer iPad given to me by someone that knew I really needed it, even though I received the gift with great joy, even though I said I would use it – it took the passing of my OLD writing friend becoming totally outdated to help me, force me, to unplug the old and plug in the new.
Honestly, I’m wondering why it has taken me so long to transition and to believe the new way would be better and more enjoyable, as well as put in a new learning curve to challenge me in the process – something I also didn’t realize I DID need.
The world of tech is crazy fast, ever changing, and quite frankly a bit intimidating when you are a bit behind in updates (too many to report the number.) It takes time to update, upgrade, stay updated and stay upgraded – a daily habit (maybe weekly) – and one that if you get behind, the ‘behinder’ you get when you stay plugged into the OLD instead of embracing the NEW. 😉
Happy New Year!
Stacey, the new and improved? (Smile)
Just Being SILLY
The thought: “Funny Bone Activated” first came to my thoughts to title this silliness unbridled banter. Then the Question: What in the world is the purpose of the Funny Bone anyway? Is it real, imagined or just a term for the ‘Funny Zone’ through words?
Nonsense comes to mind, favorites list wildly in my head, abstract words, pictures and well quite frankly, silly, foolish, nonsense, gullible, fruitless banter crashes on the sides of my grey matter, jingle jangling in silly thoughts and wondrous Fourth of July Fireworks.
Through space and time funny things randomly hit the funny bone in each person. What is funny to one is stupid to others. What is funny to most, some totally miss – context, context, context.
Does anyone really care what is funny to the masses if it is funny to you?
Does a sense of humor, random triggers and cultural history of word fun and shared experiences effect the funny bone? Again, does ‘it’ really exist?
I’ve decided the funny bone is just an expression to categorize those things that trigger a person’s individual sense of humor and once activated (sense of humor) the funny bone is activated.
Laughter is an important component of “funny bone” activation, it is the outward demonstration of the inner funny bone activation.
If you have gotten this far in the post, either you are totally confused, mad or your funny, ironic funny bone has actually been activated and a ‘chuckle’ results…the beginning step for full ‘funny bone’ activation.
Smile.
I’m just being silly and random, playing with words and thoughts on the page.
A vacation in word play form, a funny bone weird reflection.
Enjoy your own spin on the ‘funny bone’ reflection in your own life.
Stace | weird blog on laughter | Tis the season for merriment and silliness with no rhyme or reason…
Funny Bird Picture code name: Funny Bone 🙂
What’s Important this Christmas?
What’s Important? Knowing Jesus. You might be rolling your eyes at this point, I get that. You might want to click escape and erase these sentences from your mind. But they will stick, because Jesus gently calls, consistently calls and guides us whether we like it, want it or think we need it 🙂 He is LOVE, love calls to the dark parts, the holes deep within that we try to fill with so many other things.
What’s important? Who’s important this Christmas? Might be a better question.
I’ve been in survival mode for awhile now, healing really, becoming, reclaiming what I thought was lost and realizing it wasn’t really lost at all. I was in a ‘pause’ mode for a year. A year of solitude and literal silence.
A year ago, last Christmas I was in the grips of a deep, survival struggle.
I began this 50newbeginnings site in December 2013. Ten years to date, writing each year, adding pages and stories, chapter books in edit form, sharing my life with a world I did not know and may never know. You might be reading this thinking – where is she going with this post? Hang in there with me!
December 2013 I held my breath and began this website journey with a Christmas snap shot of my family’s traditions and moments of sacred community. Last year, the ninth year, I was silent, I was silent for more months than I would like to admit. Not only in writing but also in communicating, strengths and freedoms had become difficult and physically painful. My life stripped down to the daily check off list so I would and could remember what I had accomplished. Hours segmented and ordered with repetition to rebuild the synapses connecting thoughts and motions in my brain that had been changed. I was rebuilding, or maybe just building.
This Christmas 2023 I begin again the journey of sharing and being known through words and thoughts.
Today I choose to share a message of HOPE for all of you reading this today – what ever day it is.
The bottom line?
Don’t give up!
Healing comes in surprise packages and sometimes in ways we do not see nor do we recognize. I’m learning another name for healing is growth. Like a plant when it is pruned and shaped by a Master Gardner, so I too, am shaped each day by my Maker, the God and only creator of the Universe, his son Jesus, guides my path – through the thick and thin of life – through times of change and drastic ‘make-overs’ not unlike the type accomplished at a SPA 🙂 and similar in purpose. A pause, a buffing, moisturizing applied to dry spots, steaming out the impurities of the flesh and renewing with moments of rest whether by message, quiet meditation or listening to music. My soul needed a re-set just as the break provided at said SPA experiences.
I’m not the person I was a year ago, or even yesterday, that is healthy!
It is as it is supposed to be, growing, and expanding, learning from mistakes. Each day becomes a battle for me even yet, life is not easy, nor should it be. Struggles build us, mold us, teach us what we need to know.
Who we need to know.
Why we need to know.
Jesus is the way the truth and the life, waiting for you, calling you to come.
Hear His voice calling you to come, receive His love purchased by dying on a cross to take all the guilt and sin in your life upon Himself, to make the way clear to Himself. No barriers, no need to do a better job, no need to try to be perfect in your own strength but become excellent receivers of HIS strength, HIS power, HIS joy – receiving and giving hope in the deepest, darkest pit of separation from the Living God, the one who created you, the one who calls you with the HOPE of eternal life of peace, no suffering, no more crying no more pain. In this world we will have all of those things, but Jesus showed us the way. God becoming human, knowing and experiencing life outside of heaven. Jesus stands in heaven now, beside the Father God, reminding God the Father of the price HE paid, to cover and cleanse our souls so we could
Know WHO is important this Christmas. Jesus.
He came to His own people and His own people rejected Him, but to anyone – anyone – who believes in His name, that He is the Son of the Living God, to this person He will give eternal life.
don’t miss the WHY of Christmas -learning of the one who loves you
don’t miss the WHAT of Christmas-the fact that Jesus is your ticket to eternal living life abundantly
don’t miss the WHO of Christmas – Jesus
In the Bible, different versions use language that describes and tells the story – Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, found in the middle of the collection of stories are a great place to start, they told His story – THE Story of Jesus, come to earth for YOU and ME. The other books point to Jesus’ coming and how God tried for so many centuries to love a people that did not understand Him, Jesus came so we could SEE the Father God’s love for us.
For God so loved the world that he gave is only son, Jesus, that whoever believes in Him will not die to an eternal place of separation from God, but that they would have eternal life WITH God – beginning NOW with the step of belief. (John 3:16 in The Bible)
What’s Important THIS Christmas? Knowing that Jesus is waiting just for you, completely seeing and hearing your cries for something more in this life here on earth and offering so much more beyond what we see and hear. Believe. Receive His love. Read His story in the Bible.
STOP and ask for directions…
Don’t miss the place of growth when you are focused on the myopic view of tasks that need to be accomplished.
What’s your focus?
Spring Cleaning in all areas of your life?
Setting new goals for a new year?
What areas need an ‘about face’ action?
Stop doing what your doing and heading in the direction your heading.
STOP, just turn around and ask for directions.
The frantic pace of searching in the wrong directions, turning left then turning right in the panicked mindset of trying to do your best or ‘getting things right’ Just press pause. Ask and seek guidance, don’t get caught in the habit of trying to figure things out on your own.
Where do I go when I am confused, tired, happy, joyful? At all times where do I know the greatest source of wisdom is for deciding the next steps in the journey called life?
Wisdom found in the life of Jesus, recorded in the Bible. Guidance found in these timeless and life giving words. Encouragement, guidance, hope and the way through is found on each page. The recorded history of God seeing, hearing and responding to His created beings. The road map. The gas station. The gas to fuel the journey. AND Peace for each step.
Pause, consider His road map, listen to the still small voice that calls you to the place of peace. Enter through the doorway Jesus provides and receive all that you need for your journey in life.
stop, look and listen – timeless simple instructions 🙂
Journal entry December 21, 2023 | Stace
Not My Will
November 26, 2023 Sunday Thoughts
The last thing He did before He was captured, willingly going to His death:
He Prayed.
Not My Will (If at all possible let this cup pass from me)
Not My Will (If there is no other way)
Not My Will, But Yours Be Done
His Choice Sealed My Eternity. His Yes, I will obey, even to deather on a cross.
Even though…His own people called for His death. Even His own dear friends and co-workers denied and abandoned Him…
Not My Will He declared!
He was questioned, accursed, beaten, made fun of, chosen to die like a criminal, the worst of the worst.
He became sin to FREE me, free us.
So why do I choose bondage when freedom was already won on the cross? Freedom is already mine for the taking? Why?
The last action before He was arrested to go to the Cross – physical death – Jesus prayed.
The Best Thing
November 3, 2022 – Positive Thots =
I Just Don’t Remember quite right…
This is a good thing and a bad thing.
There are things that happen, or things that are said that it is a wonderful new skill to actually not remember!!!
Not be responsible to be the ‘brain of the household’ knowing where all items are located at all times, for all purposes.
Not the ‘housewife’ just a wife that lives in a house. – there IS a difference folks!
Not to be the encyclopedia of answers or know all the conversations that happen within the space of an evening – IF the TV is running non-stop in the background.
AND
Not being able to cook, carry on two conversations, make sure the cat is fed and has water, while the TV is playing my favorite movie – well folks my brain has a dickens of a time switching from one thing to another quickly, well actually switching at all from one thing to another – no go friend :(. So…no go on doing more than one thing at a time! Multi-tasking? Huh? Nope? Ain’t happening! 🙂
Then… that still, tiny, worry voice crops up from the bottom of my heart and says, “Stacey, will you ever be able to be ‘you’ again?” Answer: NO
TRUTH: No one person is the same from day to day.
I have just gone from my zany self to a very simple, one track minded person, and even then the one track gets easily de-railed. “Choo Choo, I think I can” story = comes to mind and off I go on another train of mind – literally (good grief:).
I smile at myself. And giggle. Then silence, my mind goes blank and nothing brings back what was supposed to come next – even if I rest – it is just gone, lost, and now I think that is probably a good thing?
In all this… I find the grace that is needed, from the source that is perfect and full of everything I need. The source of all things, the creator, the redeemer and my friend = Jesus. (Bible)
It’s a good place to be right now… Healing from a head trauma 🙂
Stacey
Afraid
When I am Afraid, not much can trigger me out of the process I mentally go through to peace. But there is one place I go that consistently changes my mind – set.
Deuteronomy 31:6 says
Be strong (in the Lord) and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you are forsake you.
These words speak to me in several ways:
1. I am an only child, this verse specifically deals with my fear of being alone
2. I am instructed clearly who to depend upon – not myself!
3. I instructed to BE
Scripture is a place of refuge and strength for me because it reminds me of whose I am and where I can go WHEN I am afraid. It acknowledges the weakness I have for fear and encourages me to be strong.
This indeed is GOOD NEWS!!
by Stacey Britton | March 22, 2022 | Afraid